seven ways to sunday
by poisonlovely
Summary: /When Tino saves Lovino from Ivan, he has no idea what he's getting into. One blood-oath, three dog crates and an infinite amount of tomatoes later, the lightbulb clicks. "We're creating a mutant tomato to stop Russia?" "Oh hell yes."/


_There are many words that float around the halls of the World Conference building in America, preying on helpless passerby. The word "wanker" and it's allies "bloody" and "git" were the most nasty, liking to mug people before stealing their money and credit cards to buy seat cushions at Walmart. Awful things, the personifications of words._

_*ahem *_

_The current words that were being cruelly spat out and were dazedly blowing around on this fine conference day were : "SPAIN, SAVE ME!"_

_These intense words sounded almost as if they were created from the fear of a certain incredibly tall blonde man who was absolutely bonkers chasing after the speaker, a Tsundere-licious Italian known as the very personification of South Italy, otherwise known as Romano and/or Lovino Vargas._

_Now that we come to think about it, in fact, there WAS a certain incredibly tall blonde man who was absolutely bonkers chasing after Signor Vargas! Yes, this does make much more sense..._

"SPAAAIN!"

"Hold on, Romano! I'm coming!" was the Spaniard's apt reply.

There was yet another shriek of terror as the Russian chasing Lovino let out a terrifying laugh that sounded uncannily like "Kol Kol Kol" which sounded uncannily like the the Russian word for "impalement" (or, at least, according to the personification of Wikipedia).

"Fratello, fratello!" screamed North Italy, known as either Veneziano and/of Feliciano Vargas. He was hiding behind a muscular German man (obviously known as Germany or Ludwig Beilschmidt) and not doing anything to help his brother at all.

Cue an ominous silence.

Feliciano blinked a few times, peeping out from behind Ludwig's back. "F-fratello?"

"_Kolkolkol..."_

The words "wanker", "bloody", and "git" promptly went white and ran for the hills as Russia's laughter personification appeared in purple flame.

Needless to say, Feliciano hid again.

"SPAIN! HURRY UP!"

"I'M TRYING! MY AXE IS STUCK!"

"Kolkolkol... become one with Mother Russia, da? Little Romano..."

There was another scream and the sound of pots and pans falling made all of the nations wince.

"Mon Dieu... they've actually gotten to the kitchen this time..." Francis Bonnefois (better known as France) breathed.

"I hope Romano gets out okay..." Alfred F. Jones (Ameria) fretted. He had refused to go after the duo because he "forgot his hero costume at home".

Antonio Hernadez-Carriedo (Spain) trouped back, face grim. "My axe broke."

Silence. Someone swore.

"So who's going to help Romano?" Liesel Zwingli (also known as Lilli or the personification of Liechtenstein) murmured worriedly, eyes wide as she clung to her brother's arm.

More silence.

"Anyone?" Wang Yao (China) asked.

Crickets.

"...anyone?"

There was the sound of wind blowing through the conference room.

"Bueller?"

"Oh, for goodness sake, this is ridiculous. I'LL save Romano." a normally cheerful Nordic said.

Heads snapped at the unlikely saviour of the universe- er, Lovino.

"...Finland?"

Yes, Tino would save the nation of South Italy (and, by extension, the rest of the countries when Romano realized that no one tried to save him and his vital regions).

"Finland, are you sure-"

"Yes, I'm sure! The rest of you are just... so... so weak and STUPID (except for you, Su-san~)! I can't believe that none of you would go save your fellow nation! Idiots! I already have to live through this freaking conference meetings that waste hours of my life when I could be doing more important things, like petting Hanatamago, and instead I have to listen to your incessant drivel! I wish that I could just snipe you all down where you stand!" Tino breathed in anger for a few moments after his loud exclamation, and then smiled. "Wow, that was amazing! Like, a load has been taken from my shoulders-"

"Yeah, yeah, shut up and go save Romano."

With a due glare to the back of the room, Tino pulled a karjalanpirrahka (no, we are not making that up. Google it. It's also known as a Karelian pasty.) out of nowhere and got a truly evil glint in his eye.

Berwald (Sweden) smirked slightly at the resemblance to his normal neutral face, and the other countries paled, either in fear of Finland's wrath, or of Berwald's smirk. No one really knew.

"Hehehe... FINLAND WILL SAVE YOU, LOVINO!" the Finn yelled.

Ivan turned, looking oddly at the direction the voice came from,"...Finland?"

"Finland?" Romano questioned, even as he was pressed against the wall of the kitchen in abject terror.

'FINLAND!" Spain exulted, pumping a fist in the air.

"...it's only a model..." sulked America, who was still too scared to man up and be a hero. Vash Zwingli (Switzerland) made a mental note to beat him with his Peace Prize.

"Shh!" Tino said.

"Finland, even if you're a model... SAVE ME!"

Finland sprinted to save Romano, elbowing Ivan's "_kolkolkol" _right aside in his awesome rush of courage.

Right as the Nordic skidded into view, Ivan shrugged his confusion off and grabbed the hapless Italian's shirt, making the shorter man scream.

"Hold it right there, Ivan! I am Finland, destroyer of... er... Russias!"

"...I know who you are, comrade."

"Shh! If there's two things I hate in this world, it's Commies, and people who interrupt my monologues-"

"But, comrade Tino! You're very socialist-"

"...you just interrupted my monologue again. FINLAND... SMASH!"

"...oh dear..." Russia muttered as the pasty was hurled at him With Great Force. Ivan was forced to let go of Lovino to dodge. The pasty went right through the wall, making Lovino look at Finland with wide eyes of both awe and fear.

Then, the water pipe came out.

Russia grinned, smacking it against his open palm as the "_kolkolkol"_ finally made a rebound.

"... *heart*" Tino smiled, a heart escaping and floating into the air before his aura went just as cold as Ivan's. He pulled out an axe uncannily similar to Denmark's.

"AXE OF FINNISH DESTRUCTION!"

"_Kolkolkol..."_

Finland jumped onto the counter of the kitchen and ran down it to Ivan, jumping off and swinging the axe down hard. Russia blocked it with his pipe, and they began to have a duel.

Romano stood on the sidelines, cheering for Tino as the rest of the countries piled in.

"Lovino! You're all right-"

"Shut up, tomato bastard, I'll deal with you later. GO FINLAND! WOOOO!"

The cheering was cut short as Ivan managed to trip Finland, knocking him to the floor and pinning him expertly. The Finn coughed, wincing.

"OH NO! FINLAND!

"I'm sorry this has to end like this, comrade Tino," Russia said as he grabbed a knife, preparing to cut Tino with it, dramatic music from Feliks' (Poland) iPod playing.

"Ahahaha... I have a secret weapon that you have no idea about-"

"Tino, dude, you just told him about it, so he knows-"

"YOU'RE NEXT!" Finland screeched, pointing at Alfred threateningly. America squeaked and hid behind Arthur (England). Regaining his composure, Tino went back to smirking. "Oh yes, my secret weapon will destroy even you, _comrade... _It's coming in three... two... one..."

"BROTHER. BECOME ONE WITH ME."

"AH! GO HOME!"

The rest of the nations stared awkwardly as Ivan jumped off of Tino and then barreled through the window in fear of one Natalya Arkyoslava, also known as Belarus.

"Hahaha, nice work, Natty!"

"No problem, Tino." Natalya helped the Finn up, and then disappeared to whatever dark hole she'd come from.

"...dude, that was badass."

"Are you okay, Romano?" Finland fretted, looking the Italian over. He seemed to be okay, although shaking a lot.

"What do we say, fratello?" Feliciano said, making Romano glare at him.

"Grazie, Finland..." he muttered.

"It was no problem- oof!"

The Southern Italian barreled into Tino in a bear hug as he started sobbing, the trauma of the situation finally hitting him.

Feliciano laughed evilly, making everyone but Ludwig give him the oddest looks.

Tino was just afraid of the evil eyes that Spain was giving him.


End file.
